I always think that my walk with God is pretty good: I know God well and I love Him a lot and I want to follow Him whenever He goes. At least this is what I believe I am. Not until last Saturday, God spoke to me during the prayer time I had after the committee meeting; that night the conviction of the Holy Spirit was so strong that I hardly could bear it. It was just like what Isaiah experienced while he met God in the Temple, and my heart was crying out, “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a KILLER as I have been killing the glory of God, I have been preventing the light of God from shining before men and I have become a stumble block for people to come to Christ.” This revelation was so heartbreaking; I was crying inside… how could I do such thing to God!
Bro.Kevin shared last Sunday: what are the things that stopping you from getting closer to God? Hindering you from living the fulfilled life that God promised? Preventing your light from shining? It seems like there is a WALL blocking us from going any further in our devotion toward God.
Bro.Kevin has been asking us, “Do you know the WALL that you are facing today?” And now I would like to ask you this question: if today you know the wall, are you breaking it? If not, why are you not breaking the wall? This is the question that came to me on that Saturday night and God was demanding an immediate respond from me… He is saying, “STOP LOOKING AT THE WALL AND WHINING! NOW START BREAKING IT! YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE IF YOU DO NOT DO IT NOW! I HAVE ENOUGH OF YOUR EXCUSES AND DEFILED (half-hearted) RESPONDS!”
That night my heart was restless.
My wall: my relationship with my roommate, who is also my group mate. I have shut myself totally from him and refused to have any proper interaction with him.
Why: my pride and my KiaSu-ism (the spirit of competitiveness)
It is always good to desire to do the right things; it always makes us feel very good because if we desire to do the right thing, we are still on the right track with God. We will feel even great if we are trying to put the desire into action. Stress: TRYING. We all must be very careful with these statement, “I’m trying!”; “At least I’m trying!”; “I’m making a bit of improvement!” etc. I am not here to dismiss /disregard anyone who says it sincerely and who is trying hard to overcome the obstacle in their life. I am here to warn you of the hidden trap that Satan has subtly and cunningly placed it there.
This challenging friend and I has been group mate for almost 5 years and we have just become roommate last year. Even though it is difficult for me to like him, AT LEAST I AM TRYING to treat him nicely. For the Scriptures tells us to love your enemy and do good to your enemy; repay evil for good; and (this is the best part) do not expect any return when you help someone in need. God has spoken to me countless of times, and I did prayed about this problem, I told my accountability group of this struggle, I confessed it openly to people and asked them to keep me in prayer, and sometime I even use this example as a teaching tool during bible study. Because all these while, I AM TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING and I DID MAKE SOME IMPROVEMENT. (examples)
So am I working hard to overcome this wall in my life so far?
‘True trying’ and ‘pseudo trying’
True trying brings progression and changes, and you will hear the cracking of the wall; while pseudo trying brings you nowhere, you still standing in front of the wall, smelling and fussing at it.
True trying brings joy and encouragement and strength; while pseudo-trying brings misery and grumbling.
True trying refreshes the spirit; while pseudo-trying kills the spirit.
True trying bless people and makes your light shines before men, that people may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven; while pseudo-trying makes you losing your saltiness and hiding your light under the bowl.
Last but not least,
True trying is breaking the wall; while pseudo-trying is building the wall.
That night God revealed my pseudo-trying and wanted me to take the first step of true trying, God wanted me to break the wall now. And I tell myself, “This time I really want to get my life right with God.”
After the prayer time while waiting for Bro.Kevin to send me back to hostel, I was struggling inside my heart, my mind and my soul. It was very unbearable. one part of me wanted to it tonight while the other part of me was pursuing me to wait till tomorrow so that I would have time to sort things out and to come out with a good plan. It is exactly like what Paul shared in Roman 7:14-25, struggling with sin.
That night when I return to my room as I opened my door, the room was dark. I saw my roommate was sleeping. I kind of relieved as it seemed like I got time to properly sort my thought out (excuse!). But God refused to let me have rest, and He wanted me to go down to 4th floor to ask my accountability group, Kevin or Kwong Yew, to be my watchman. I took my water bottle to Ivan’s unit to refill. While refilling the water bottle, I was looking at Kevin’s room door, it seemed pretty quiet inside, so I thought maybe I shouldn’t disturb him now as it was already late. But God once again shouted at me, “STOP IT! KNOCK THE DOOR NOW!”
Finally I knocked the door, Kevin was there drawing. We talked, and halfway, Kwong Yew appeared at the common hall and he joined us. I asked them to make sure I talk to my roommate tonight. After we prayed, I went back to my room and woke my roommate up and we talked. We were going to rebuild our relationship.
That night my heart was full of joy. I could see the wall which was hindering my devotion to God was breaking down. I had been set free in my heart, in my mind and in my soul. IT WAS SO GOOD! GOD IS GREAT!
So here is the second lesson: every day we are in spiritual battle, especially when we set our mind to obey the voice of God, Satan will start to attack your determination fervently. And usually he wants you to delay your action. This is a critical moment, either you submit yourselves to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7) or you listen to him and focus at the ‘signs of waiting’ and be assure you will still standing in front of the wall, looking, smelling and fussing at it.
So brothers and sisters, what is the wall you are facing today? Are you breaking it now? If not, why?
For me, the wall is my broken relationship with my roommate. What is yours? Is it your broken relationship with someone? Is it some sins that you are refusing to let go? Is it your commitment to God? Is it your devotion to God? Is it the love of this world? Is it your selfish desire? The list goes on and on and on and on. Regardless what it is, a wall is still a wall, you are going nowhere unless you break it today. Your devotion is not going to go any higher, your faith is not going to go any deeper, and your love is not going to go any wider and you are not going to last any longer in the race.
I have been a fool for a long time, so do not be like me.
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion… be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving. Make the heart of people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears and turn and be healed. (Hebrew 3:7-13, Isaiah 6:9-10)
We are greatly in debt to God and to the soul of people around us. Don’t let that wall make you a God’s glory killer and God’s light shutter, and prevent someone from seeing God. Break the wall now!
Shared this with my church on 2/11/08, pray that it would be an encouragement them to seek after God. My prayer to you is that you may experience more of God in your life. Amen! =)
